Man Pretty Sure it’s the Timing Belt

Elkhart IN – Upon hearing his co-worker’s car refused to start that morning, building supply sales associate Ronald Eggleston offered that the problem was most likely the timing belt, a device which synchronizes the rotation of certain parts of an internal combustion engine.   Even after being advised the automobile in question’s engine wouldn’t turn over – symptoms more associated with a dead battery – Eggleston repeated his assertion that the timing belt was the likely culprit.  “I’d at least check it”, he stated stoically. 

“He always says it’s the timing belt” co-worker Matt Henderson chuckled.  “Like when I blew the gasket on my Trans Am sky high a few summers ago.  There was oil shooting out of the carb, and Einstein Eggleston’s like ‘there goes the timing belt’”.

The 38 year old bowler and Civitan club member has reportedly proffered the identical diagnosis on multiple occasions, including the time his neighbor’s F-150 pickup truck’s brake fluid line became clogged.  “You should probably take a look at the timing belt while you’re under the hood”, he stated, nodding knowingly.

 
Sources reported that the well-meaning but clearly fixated man’s obsession with the toothed belt stems from the time the ill-fated device did in fact break on his first car – a Mitsubishi Galant – while out on his first and last date with Kim Reeves, resulting in the pair having to walk nearly three miles to call Eggleston’s older sister to come pick them up, and Reeves refusing to speak to him since.

Sequels That Didn’t Quite Make It

Well the summer popcorn-selling season is upon us once again, and movie viewers across the country will feast on the obligatory smorgasbord of re-hashed, regurgitated swill that we have come to love and anticipate.  As usual, there will be a heaping helping of re-makes and sequels – since they require substantially less creative juices than original plots -  but you want to avoid these stinkers:

* Slightly Perturbed Max

* Indiana Jones and the Temple of Soft Serve Yogurt
* Star Spats
* Let’s Sit Down and Discuss This Like Two Mature Adults Club
* Frozen Vegetables
* The Lord of the Nose-rings
* As Good As It Gets Except For That One Time I Hit Three Cherries on a Five Dollar Play
* Tuesday the Nineteenth
* Rambo: Needlepoint Night at the Senior Citizen Center
* Cement Mixer Time Machine
* The Fantastic Five or Six
* Pink Dawn
* The Muppets Take Molly
* We Bought a Slaughterhouse
* Twilight: Breaking Wind

Dysfunction Junction

Among the myriad things we live with – often without a second thought – microbes, entropy and endless government waste to name a few, there is also dysfunction. 

Not only do we choose to live with dysfunction, I believe most of us subconsciously decide how much of it we’ll deal with before we’re forced into action.  I call this the ALD, or Acceptable Level of Dysfunction.

A company’s Management team is sweating bullets because of yet another delay in a new product roll-out.  Further investigation determines that Production is waiting on Engineering for the prototype, while Engineering is awaiting the go ahead from Finance, which is pleading for cost-per-unit figures from Sourcing, which is screaming for estimates from Sales, which is…  you get the picture.  Here is an example of an entity which has found their ALD.

But dysfunction is not limited to corporations.  Take Kyle and Kim, a wholly fictitious couple I’ve invented to make a point.  Kyle is an avid golfer, and spends most weekends on the course, weather permitting.  Kim, a “golfer’s widow” resents Kyle spending so much time away, and responds with weekend afternoon shopping sprees, pedicures and lunching at expensive restaurants – spending far more than she can afford in the process.  Kim’s passive-aggressive response to Kyle’s actions – and Kyle’s failure to sense Kim’s displeasure - has helped this couple achieve their ALD.

 
Problems don’t exist in a vacuum, and dysfunction often has many a far-flung root.  Want to eliminate or at least alleviate dysfunction in your life?  Get ready to do some digging.