Vatican City – In
a stately, ornate ceremony befitting an occasion of this import, outgoing Pope
Benedict XVI was presented with a gold watch, to his utter embarrassment, if
not revulsion.
Bereft of any ornamentation or inscription, not of Swiss origin,
and bearing the ignominious imprint “18 ct”, the timepiece oozed tackiness and elicited
hushed scorn from the on-lookers.
His soon-to-be-ex Holiness regarded the gift as he might
a slug which had crawled upon his shoe, rolling it over from side to side,
opening and closing it, before tossing it on the table. “Maybe they order from Amazon?” he said, his
lips curled in disdain.
“It’s a good thing I invest heavily in Microsoft in the
Year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-six”, he continued, with a slight
smile, “my accountant say my portfolio is – how you say – high six figure?”
“I like that”, he continued, nodding.
Sources close to the soon-to-be prior pontiff could not
confirm reports his not-for-long Holiness had booked a Mediterranean cruise,
where he’s signed up for scuba diving and rock wall climbing.
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