Spam Volume Down; Unresponsive Recipients to Blame

A number of sources, from Time.com to NerdNewz are reporting that “spam”, or unsolicited e-mail traffic, has dropped to an alarming low, and that apathetic recipients are to blame.

“Believe it or not, it costs money to e-mail this crap to you”, reported a man who would only provide his screen name sLiThEr909 from an undisclosed location. “You think we just crank this stuff out from a notebook in our apartment? It takes hardware. Routers. Integrated servers. We got overhead.”

“Now that I think about it, I haven’t gotten a refi offer, or on-line dating solicitation e-mail in weeks”, reported Lucy Howard, from an internet cafe in Evansville, Illinois. “And only a handful of credit counseling and fat-burning pill offers.”

“I thought I’d finally gotten my spam filter dialed in”, Fort Worth high school basketball coach and biology teacher Phil Blount commented. “But they’re just sending less?”

“How about that”, he added, before walking away, almost forlornly.

“Every entrepreneur, even slime bags such as these, look at the bottom line”, said Brian Richardson, CEO of SpamNoMore, a spam-blocking software producer. “If people aren’t clicking on their e-mail offers, they’ll look for other ways to annoy the hell out of you.” Mr. Richardson then produced his phone, displaying ads for penny auctions and colon-cleansing remedies.

“But, you still need this spam-blocker software”, he quickly added, stuffing the phone back into his pocket. “Spam-Away II releases later this month, only $29.95.”

“Look, we know things are tough all over”, sLiThEr909 continued. “But don’t even try to tell me you don’t have a few bucks lying around for some fake Viagra or bogus work-from-home scam.”

“I’ve seen what you people drop on Yankees bling and Taylor Swift CDs.”