What Would Trump Do?

Make no mistake about it, the date January 6^th 2021 will rank among the top of all the other infamous dates in American history. On this date, a sitting President exhorted and extolled his followers to forcibly assault and attack the U. S. Capitol for the dual purposes of preventing the reading of electoral college votes from the 2020 presidential election – already certified by all 50 states - and to terrorize any and all who dared oppose them. A sitting President of the United States of America.

Which begs the question: What would Trump have done if he won the election fair and square, but  Biden and his supporters behaved in this deplorable, despicable, illegal manner?

 It doesn’t take a genius:

·         The National Guard and other law enforcement personnel would have been on the scene much sooner, been instructed to deal much more harshly with the perpetrators, and would have resulted in much more death and personal injury.

·         Trump would have spent this period watching the events on TV while simultaneously furiously tweeting about the “assault on democracy” and “sore losers” and how they should all be “locked up”.  (Remember, in this alternate history, Trump would not have been put in Twitter jail.)

·         Trump would appear in the rose garden flanked by his squad of “yes” men, spewing self-aggrandizing, pithy platitudes about how he – and he alone – saved democracy in America. He would speak in glowing terms about how his victory was a “mandate” and that the clear and distinct message from the American populace was that they were ready for “real change”; which is Trump-speak for more power and less oversight for himself.

 I could go on and on; the erosion of our prestige among the community of nations, the further diversion of our attention and efforts and resources in combatting covid-19, even more political polarization.

 A second Trump term would have been a nightmarish scenario for those of us who desire, and  comprehend the true definition of democracy.

Man Convinced to Vote by Robocall

Belle Plaine, IA - 46 year old ConAgra district manager Walt Findlay reported today that he has decided to vote in Tuesday’s midterm election, based solely on the strength of an automated phone call.

“Never give it much thought before today”, Findlay stated.  “Figured one was about as good as the other”.  Findlay, who advised he hadn’t voted at all since the 2004 presidential election, was impressed by the persuasiveness of the message left on his home phone answering machine.

“Seems this one fellow is involved in some shady business dealings”, the avid duck hunter and Chicago Bears fan mused.  “And, they said he accepted donations from some big-shot Wall Street types.  That way of thinking won’t fly here in Belle Plaine.”

“The way I see it, if I don’t vote, I’m giving someone else two votes”, Findlay continued, his jaw set stoically.  “And I don’t think that’s right”.

Sources close to the Iowa elections reported the candidate Findlay has decided to support “doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell” of winning Tuesday, and has already drafted three versions of his concession speech, depending on how severely he’s defeated.

Like Sheep to the Slaughter

Well, the 2012 Mr. President Contest is officially underway. As I intend to view this charade with utter disgust and cynicism, I can’t give you the inside scoop on anything. Haven’t watched a debate, couldn’t tell you what any of these clowns are pretending to “stand for” this time around.

But, I did catch this. During an exit interview at one of the primaries, a reporter asked a voter, “Who are you supporting?” “Candidate X”, she replied. “Why”, the reporter asked. “Well I didn’t know much about him, but he won today”.

Translation: “I have no idea who this guy is, or what he claims he’ll do if elected, or if he just mowed down everyone on his cul-de-sac with a chainsaw, but a lot of people like him, so I’m going to vote for him”.

And there - in a nutshell - is the single biggest problem with our society: We have become sheep.

Yep, mindless, gullible sheep, with our respective sheep snouts shoved up the anal cleavage of the sheep in front of us, blindly following with no thought as to where we‘re going, or why.

Our sheep-like nature isn’t limited to politics. Oh no, we’ll follow anyone, if we think enough other sheep are. Some athlete pitches this or that brand of deodorant or beef jerky, and sales soar. Some chuckle-head reality TV star is seen carrying a tie-dyed purse, and the shelves empty. Face it, we’re sheep. And - we don’t even attempt to hide it.

I’m not even suggesting this is new. We’ve actually been sheep for some time now. During the 1950’s, Buffalo Bob Smith hosted a very popular TV show called Howdy Doody, who was actually a puppet. Bob wore a cowboy outfit - sort of, and guess what? Sales of cowboy outfits soared. In the early 1960’s, the Beatles took America by storm, and suddenly everything British was in vogue. We’ve been sheep for decades.

If I were very cynical, I might suggest that it’s no accident we’ve lost our ability to think for ourselves. I might suggest that we’ve been conditioned since pre-school to be sheep. After all, a society of sheep - no matter how hackneyed and deserving of ridicule - is a lot easier to control than a society of free-thinkers who will make informed, educated decisions, and demand substance instead of superficiality, results instead of rhetoric.

In a few months, we will elect someone to be our nation’s leader, at a time of deep crisis, probably far more dire than any of us can comprehend. We can choose based on tweets, and image and sound bites. Or we can go to the polls and cast a vote for whomever we think will cause the least amount of damage over the next four years. Or, we can rise up, each in our own way, each in our own voice, and proclaim:

I refuse to be a sheep, I will not be a party to this mockery, and I want my country back.

Now.

Rearranging the Deck Chairs

I’d like to preface my remarks here with the following disclaimer: If you still believe in Santa Claus, stop reading - now.

Okay, then. To get to the issue at hand: I have come to believe that the way we elect our government officials is a lot like how we lie to our kids about Santa. At first, when they’re way young, we want them to believe. We tell them to believe in this jolly old man in a red suit that comes down the chimney (even if we don’t have a chimney), and brings us toys and stuff. Hell, we want to believe it ourselves. We want to reclaim a tattered remnant of our innocent youth. And, that‘s completely understandable.

As the kids get older, however, it becomes more difficult to sell the lie, to get them to swallow the whole jolly old man from the North Pole routine. They start asking questions. They hear things from other kids. They wonder how elves make smart phones and High School Musical DVD’s in a workshop with a hammer and nails. Eventually, you fess up: “Yes it was your Father and I all along. Don’t look at me like that - we spent enough on you to buy a new BMW 535i“.

We weren’t just lying to the kids all those years; we lied to ourselves. We wanted to believe we still lived in a world where a person’s word meant something, where character still counted, where the good guys win in the end. Where everything could be cured with gingerbread men and tree trimmings.

And every couple of years, we engage in that same fantasy, as we march out of the polling place, head held high, proudly displaying our “I Voted” sticker, believing we have made a difference. Confident we have made the “right choice” because our party, or our movement, or our platform is the best for us and our fellow Americans.

You can almost hear the sleigh bells, and smell those chestnuts roasting on that open fire.

I submit that regardless of the person or party you vote for, it is not the right choice. And, I submit that deep, down inside - you already knew that. You choose what you perceive to be the lesser of however many evils, although in your heart of hearts, you know none of them would spit on you if you were to burst out in flames in front of them.

For the majority of my adult life, regardless of the political affiliation of those in the white house (and state house, and house of delegates, and senate), several things have happened:

Millions of American jobs have been lost to other countries.
The personal wealth of the average working-class American has steadily dropped.
Housing, fuel, and heath care costs have sky-rocketed.
Our infrastructure has slowly crumbled.
Many of our streets have become increasingly unsafe to walk after dark.
Our national debt has increased.
Our quality of life has suffered, and
We can no longer seriously consider ourselves to be an economic superpower.

Yet we persist in not only tolerating, but engaging in these semi-annual dog-and-pony shows foolishly believing that the ship will be righted if only “our guy” wins. Our entire political process is about two shampoo and auto insurance commercials away from becoming a really bad reality TV show, because nothing any candidate says during the campaign has any relevance whatsoever once the polls close.

I submit that all we’re doing is rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. We know the ship’s going down, but it is the ship we’re on, and, well - we want it to look nice. We see others rearranging deck chairs, and there’s a certain comfort in being part of a group - any group. Even if that group is about to plunge into icy, shark-infested waters. At least we won’t go alone.

And the band plays on.