The Excuse Jar

Is it just me, or does everybody seem to have a never-ending list of excuses ready to spring at a moment’s notice?  I forgot, I was wasted, I got a nosebleed.  And politicians are the worst, always ready to pop out some lame excuse with the deftness of a toothpick dispenser.  I was exhausted from the campaign, I was out of the loop, I swear I thought she was 18.

When it comes to contrived justification for shirking responsibility, we as a society have pretty much dialed it in.  But, I find I’m not as quick on the draw as in days past, so I’ve created an excuse jar, from which I can randomly extract a completely contrived and rationalized flimsy pretext for my short-comings and failings.  I suggest you do the same.  But, you can’t use mine; make your own:

* Bruce Willis marathon on FX

* Couldn’t find two matching socks
* Got urgent text from Zorkloff, Supreme Commander of the Klemidian Confederacy
* Busy contemplating the swirl patterns in Scott Caan’s hair
* Egg salad sandwich with Texas Pete not sitting well
* Still reeling over Cubs dismal season
* Checking eBay auction for 1916 quarter in mint condition
* Parking meter about to expire
* Forced to wear paisley as a child
* A little thing I do on the side for the State Dept.; can’t really talk about it
* Last time I did it, my gums were sore for a week
* Gotta practice my curling release
* Have that bloated, gassy feeling
* Moon is in Sagittarius with Virgo ascending
* Why don’t you ask Travis instead, since you can’t seem to take your eyes off him
* Still trying to figure out if it’s toe-MAY-toe or toe-MAH-toe
* Gave it up for Lent
* Despondent over Khloe and Lamar’s breakup
* Grout in shower not going to clean itself
* Weeding out expired pizza coupons
* Porphyrophobia