I believe that 99.7% of all politicians would kick their Grandmother in the crotch for 25 votes.
I believe that you should be allowed to go one mile over the speed limit for every year you have driven without crashing into a tree, or a telephone pole or another car.
Conversely, I believe that you should be required to have big roof topper that says “I’M AN IDIOT - PLEASE GET OUT OF MY WAY” if you’ve ever plowed into a telephone pole, another car, or a Baskin-Robbins.
I believe that 73% of Americans would buy horse manure if it were in a brightly-colored blister package and had the inscription “As Seen On TV” on the front.
I believe that Faith, Hope, and Charity are great names for girls who don’t plan to start dating until they’re in their late twenties.
I believe that three-quarters of all “talk show” hosts could be replaced by chimpanzees and no one would notice for weeks.
I believe that tiny space aliens have infested my sock drawer.
I believe that there is someone for everyone, if you don’t mind being with some self-absorbed, passive \ aggressive psycho who will suck every last drop of humanity out of you.
I believe that I specifically requested no mustard on my Super-Splendo Burger.
I believe that in America, we have the absolute highest quality consumer items that China can produce.
I believe that my across-the-street, two-doors-down neighbor wants people to watch her riding her exercise cycle in the back corner bedroom with the blinds opened slightly while wearing a skimpy, skin-tight outfit every morning between 9:30 and 10:15.
I believe that no child wants to grow up to be a meteorologist; it just kind of happens that way.
I believe that I have about 25 “Buy Ten Get One Free” Subway punch cards, none of which have more than one punch on them.
And finally, I believe that the enduring spirit and tenacious determination of the human race will one day lead us into utter chaos, destruction and eventual oblivion.
I believe that you should be allowed to go one mile over the speed limit for every year you have driven without crashing into a tree, or a telephone pole or another car.
Conversely, I believe that you should be required to have big roof topper that says “I’M AN IDIOT - PLEASE GET OUT OF MY WAY” if you’ve ever plowed into a telephone pole, another car, or a Baskin-Robbins.
I believe that 73% of Americans would buy horse manure if it were in a brightly-colored blister package and had the inscription “As Seen On TV” on the front.
I believe that Faith, Hope, and Charity are great names for girls who don’t plan to start dating until they’re in their late twenties.
I believe that three-quarters of all “talk show” hosts could be replaced by chimpanzees and no one would notice for weeks.
I believe that tiny space aliens have infested my sock drawer.
I believe that there is someone for everyone, if you don’t mind being with some self-absorbed, passive \ aggressive psycho who will suck every last drop of humanity out of you.
I believe that I specifically requested no mustard on my Super-Splendo Burger.
I believe that in America, we have the absolute highest quality consumer items that China can produce.
I believe that my across-the-street, two-doors-down neighbor wants people to watch her riding her exercise cycle in the back corner bedroom with the blinds opened slightly while wearing a skimpy, skin-tight outfit every morning between 9:30 and 10:15.
I believe that no child wants to grow up to be a meteorologist; it just kind of happens that way.
I believe that I have about 25 “Buy Ten Get One Free” Subway punch cards, none of which have more than one punch on them.
And finally, I believe that the enduring spirit and tenacious determination of the human race will one day lead us into utter chaos, destruction and eventual oblivion.
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