Driving While Stupid: The Graduate Course

Some time back I published an article called A Beginner’s Guide to DWS (Driving While Stupid).  Apparently the article struck a chord, because I’ve noticed more and more of you are driving more and more stupid every day.  Thanks!

But, I get the sense that some of you want to ratchet it up a notch, take it to the next level, so to speak.  So, I’ve come up with the Driving While Stupid Graduate Course:

Wait until the last second to pull out into traffic

Not until you can see the terror in the eyes of the on-coming drivers.

Don’t ever change lanes

Turning left seven or eight miles up the road?  Well, you get into that left lane and don’t move for anything.

Or, change lanes every nine seconds

Just because you can.

Don’t ever use your mirrors

Mirrors are for sissies.

If you absolutely must use your turn signal, wait until you come to a screeching halt before applying

Then, don’t turn it off.

Master the art of extreme tail-gating

The aerodynamic effect will improve gas mileage.

Scream obscenities out the window for no apparent reason

Major moto-cred.

Drag the brakes

As long as that left big toe is resting on the brake pad, other drivers will have no idea when you’re actually going to stop.

Drive it like you stole it

It’s not just a kitschy t-shirt slogan.