Phrases That Spell Trouble

“Would like a word with you”
No one that wants a word with you just wants a word with you.

“Allegedly”
Okay, it’s not technically a phrase, but it bespeaks evil of some sort. No one allegedly won a community service award or rescued a cat from a burning house.

“Sought for questioning”
If someone is A) looking for you, and B) wants to ask you questions, it’s never a good sign.

“You are hereby ordered”
The only time this phrase is followed by anything good is on a greeting card, as in “You are hereby ordered to have a bang-up time on your birthday!” (or Bar Mitzvah, or in-ground pool christening).

“The next thing I knew”
This implies something unexpected happened very suddenly. Never good.

“Declined comment”
If you have nothing to say, you may as well spray-paint the words “guilty as original sin” across your back.

“It’s not you…”
Anyone care to guess what this phrase means? Anyone? That’s right - it means it IS you!”

“Vacate the premises”
What’s the number for U-Haul?

“This is going to hurt like hell”
Self-explanatory.

“Turn around and place your hands behind your back”.
Unless your significant other enjoys role-playing, this is a bad, bad thing.

“Was that supposed to be funny?”
If so, someone didn’t find it amusing. At all.

“But thanks for coming in”
You didn’t get the job \ loan \ parole.

“He don’t look that tough to me”
The reason he don’t look that tough to you is because you’re drunk. Sit down and shut up or you’ll wake up in an ambulance with one or more of your internal organs in a cooler at your feet.

“Affected area”
It’s either a rash or a radiation leak.

“Did you forget where you live?”
Here again, no one really forgets where they live. For more than an hour or so anyway. This phase is a clear indication that you have violated your curfew - by a tremendous margin - and will pay a horrible price for your transgression.

“Cautiously optimistic”
You’re screwed.