Mom Running Out of Places to Stash Pot

 

Murfreesboro, TN – Her voice wracked with exasperation, 34 year old wife, mother and part-time dog groomer Lydia Collins lamented the fact that she’s quickly running out of locations to “stash” her marijuana.

 “I used to keep it in a little pouch with my… you know, feminine products in the bathroom, but then (daughter) Katie started nosing around in there”, she began, delineating the ongoing journey to find suitable hiding places. “Then I used an older purse I kept in the closet, but I was terrified that (husband) Reginald would find it there. He had no reason to look, of course, but I just couldn’t risk it. I mean I sing in the church choir, for Christ-sake.”

 

Collins continued to elaborate on the nooks and crannies she’d utilized over the years, but at one or another point, felt wasn’t secure enough. “There was my eyeglasses case, but I was afraid someone would smell it. Then there was my jewelry box. Wait, no it was under the mattress then the jewelry box, then under the mattress again.”

 

“And I know that (son) David found it a time or two”, she continued. “There was this one time he just grinned at me all through dinner, and we weren’t even having anything he particularly cared for. I checked later that night, and sure enough, my stash had been pinched.”

 

Both son and daughter admitted they’d each stumbled upon their mother’s pot on multiple occasions, but didn’t have the heart to take it all.  “It was like a game”, Katie reported, “take just enough to make her wonder if she’d been pinched.”

 

At press time the pot smoking mom was weighing the feasibility of utilizing the backyard storage shed, but ultimately decided the squirrels would find and eat it.