10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear in Bed

As longtime readers are aware, I will occasionally delve into the thorny topic of relationships.  Hot, sweaty, writhing, pulsating, gasping for air relationships.  The time has therefore come – and very possibly passed – to tackle one of the more vexatious issues: things you never want to pass your partner’s lips during intimacy.  In that spirit, here are the 10 things you never want to hear in bed:

10. “I thought you had the handcuffs key.”

9. “It is in.”
8. “Yes, that’s it.  Yeah, right there- wait, who defeated Napoleon at Waterloo: the British, Prussians, Turks or Spanish?”
7. “That reminds me, it’s two for one night at Samurai Sushi.”
6. “Found the remote!”
5. “Don’t worry, it happens to all men sometimes.  At least, that’s what I’ve heard.”
4. The Jeopardy theme song.
3. “I bought zucchinis at the market today, in case you want to know how that feels.”
2. “Are you finished?”

And the number one thing you never want to hear in bed:

 
1. “If you stop now, I promise I won’t call the police.”