Mom Running Out of Places to Stash Pot

 

Murfreesboro, TN – Her voice wracked with exasperation, 34 year old wife, mother and part-time dog groomer Lydia Collins lamented the fact that she’s quickly running out of locations to “stash” her marijuana.

 “I used to keep it in a little pouch with my… you know, feminine products in the bathroom, but then (daughter) Katie started nosing around in there”, she began, delineating the ongoing journey to find suitable hiding places. “Then I used an older purse I kept in the closet, but I was terrified that (husband) Reginald would find it there. He had no reason to look, of course, but I just couldn’t risk it. I mean I sing in the church choir, for Christ-sake.”

 

Collins continued to elaborate on the nooks and crannies she’d utilized over the years, but at one or another point, felt wasn’t secure enough. “There was my eyeglasses case, but I was afraid someone would smell it. Then there was my jewelry box. Wait, no it was under the mattress then the jewelry box, then under the mattress again.”

 

“And I know that (son) David found it a time or two”, she continued. “There was this one time he just grinned at me all through dinner, and we weren’t even having anything he particularly cared for. I checked later that night, and sure enough, my stash had been pinched.”

 

Both son and daughter admitted they’d each stumbled upon their mother’s pot on multiple occasions, but didn’t have the heart to take it all.  “It was like a game”, Katie reported, “take just enough to make her wonder if she’d been pinched.”

 

At press time the pot smoking mom was weighing the feasibility of utilizing the backyard storage shed, but ultimately decided the squirrels would find and eat it.

What Would Trump Do?

Make no mistake about it, the date January 6^th 2021 will rank among the top of all the other infamous dates in American history. On this date, a sitting President exhorted and extolled his followers to forcibly assault and attack the U. S. Capitol for the dual purposes of preventing the reading of electoral college votes from the 2020 presidential election – already certified by all 50 states - and to terrorize any and all who dared oppose them. A sitting President of the United States of America.

Which begs the question: What would Trump have done if he won the election fair and square, but  Biden and his supporters behaved in this deplorable, despicable, illegal manner?

 It doesn’t take a genius:

·         The National Guard and other law enforcement personnel would have been on the scene much sooner, been instructed to deal much more harshly with the perpetrators, and would have resulted in much more death and personal injury.

·         Trump would have spent this period watching the events on TV while simultaneously furiously tweeting about the “assault on democracy” and “sore losers” and how they should all be “locked up”.  (Remember, in this alternate history, Trump would not have been put in Twitter jail.)

·         Trump would appear in the rose garden flanked by his squad of “yes” men, spewing self-aggrandizing, pithy platitudes about how he – and he alone – saved democracy in America. He would speak in glowing terms about how his victory was a “mandate” and that the clear and distinct message from the American populace was that they were ready for “real change”; which is Trump-speak for more power and less oversight for himself.

 I could go on and on; the erosion of our prestige among the community of nations, the further diversion of our attention and efforts and resources in combatting covid-19, even more political polarization.

 A second Trump term would have been a nightmarish scenario for those of us who desire, and  comprehend the true definition of democracy.