Washington D.C. - U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was reportedly seen playing the popular on-line game Angry Birds during a Senate Homeland Security sub-committee meeting today, according to fellow committee member Dan Coats (R-IN).
“She was saying, ‘level three, level three, I can feel it’”, Coats said. “I’m sure I speak for other sub-committee members when I say that this is neither the time or place for frivolities of this type. I was embarrassed for her”.
Even fellow Democrat Mary Landrieu (LA) was overheard saying she witnessed Clinton staring intently into her phone, and even did a couple of fist-pumps at one point. “I tried to get her attention, but it was no use”, Landrieu shrugged.
A Clinton spokesman vehemently denied the allegations. “The Secretary of State was in fact responding to a text she received regarding an important foreign relations development which I am not at liberty to discuss here. The alleged fist-pumps were no doubt in response to that news”.
“Besides”, the spokesman continued, “no less than three other sub-committee members were observed playing Words with Friends, and Senator Murkowski (R-AK) was shopping for timeshares in the Bahamas“.
The president responded tersely to the report, reminding everyone that phones are to be turned off during sub-committee proceedings, and that as much as she plays, Clinton should have hit level three months ago.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Like Sheep to the Slaughter
Well, the 2012 Mr. President Contest is officially underway. As I intend to view this charade with utter disgust and cynicism, I can’t give you the inside scoop on anything. Haven’t watched a debate, couldn’t tell you what any of these clowns are pretending to “stand for” this time around.
But, I did catch this. During an exit interview at one of the primaries, a reporter asked a voter, “Who are you supporting?” “Candidate X”, she replied. “Why”, the reporter asked. “Well I didn’t know much about him, but he won today”.
Translation: “I have no idea who this guy is, or what he claims he’ll do if elected, or if he just mowed down everyone on his cul-de-sac with a chainsaw, but a lot of people like him, so I’m going to vote for him”.
And there - in a nutshell - is the single biggest problem with our society: We have become sheep.
Yep, mindless, gullible sheep, with our respective sheep snouts shoved up the anal cleavage of the sheep in front of us, blindly following with no thought as to where we‘re going, or why.
Our sheep-like nature isn’t limited to politics. Oh no, we’ll follow anyone, if we think enough other sheep are. Some athlete pitches this or that brand of deodorant or beef jerky, and sales soar. Some chuckle-head reality TV star is seen carrying a tie-dyed purse, and the shelves empty. Face it, we’re sheep. And - we don’t even attempt to hide it.
I’m not even suggesting this is new. We’ve actually been sheep for some time now. During the 1950’s, Buffalo Bob Smith hosted a very popular TV show called Howdy Doody, who was actually a puppet. Bob wore a cowboy outfit - sort of, and guess what? Sales of cowboy outfits soared. In the early 1960’s, the Beatles took America by storm, and suddenly everything British was in vogue. We’ve been sheep for decades.
If I were very cynical, I might suggest that it’s no accident we’ve lost our ability to think for ourselves. I might suggest that we’ve been conditioned since pre-school to be sheep. After all, a society of sheep - no matter how hackneyed and deserving of ridicule - is a lot easier to control than a society of free-thinkers who will make informed, educated decisions, and demand substance instead of superficiality, results instead of rhetoric.
In a few months, we will elect someone to be our nation’s leader, at a time of deep crisis, probably far more dire than any of us can comprehend. We can choose based on tweets, and image and sound bites. Or we can go to the polls and cast a vote for whomever we think will cause the least amount of damage over the next four years. Or, we can rise up, each in our own way, each in our own voice, and proclaim:
I refuse to be a sheep, I will not be a party to this mockery, and I want my country back.
Now.
But, I did catch this. During an exit interview at one of the primaries, a reporter asked a voter, “Who are you supporting?” “Candidate X”, she replied. “Why”, the reporter asked. “Well I didn’t know much about him, but he won today”.
Translation: “I have no idea who this guy is, or what he claims he’ll do if elected, or if he just mowed down everyone on his cul-de-sac with a chainsaw, but a lot of people like him, so I’m going to vote for him”.
And there - in a nutshell - is the single biggest problem with our society: We have become sheep.
Yep, mindless, gullible sheep, with our respective sheep snouts shoved up the anal cleavage of the sheep in front of us, blindly following with no thought as to where we‘re going, or why.
Our sheep-like nature isn’t limited to politics. Oh no, we’ll follow anyone, if we think enough other sheep are. Some athlete pitches this or that brand of deodorant or beef jerky, and sales soar. Some chuckle-head reality TV star is seen carrying a tie-dyed purse, and the shelves empty. Face it, we’re sheep. And - we don’t even attempt to hide it.
I’m not even suggesting this is new. We’ve actually been sheep for some time now. During the 1950’s, Buffalo Bob Smith hosted a very popular TV show called Howdy Doody, who was actually a puppet. Bob wore a cowboy outfit - sort of, and guess what? Sales of cowboy outfits soared. In the early 1960’s, the Beatles took America by storm, and suddenly everything British was in vogue. We’ve been sheep for decades.
If I were very cynical, I might suggest that it’s no accident we’ve lost our ability to think for ourselves. I might suggest that we’ve been conditioned since pre-school to be sheep. After all, a society of sheep - no matter how hackneyed and deserving of ridicule - is a lot easier to control than a society of free-thinkers who will make informed, educated decisions, and demand substance instead of superficiality, results instead of rhetoric.
In a few months, we will elect someone to be our nation’s leader, at a time of deep crisis, probably far more dire than any of us can comprehend. We can choose based on tweets, and image and sound bites. Or we can go to the polls and cast a vote for whomever we think will cause the least amount of damage over the next four years. Or, we can rise up, each in our own way, each in our own voice, and proclaim:
I refuse to be a sheep, I will not be a party to this mockery, and I want my country back.
Now.
Monday, November 14, 2011
U.S.A. Defeats Some Impoverished African Nation at Something
Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso - A sports team from the United States has defeated it’s counterpart from some small, obscure African nation in a competition of some kind by a score of 1 - 0.
Reports vary, but the contest in question was likely soccer, although it could have been rugby, or possibly even lacrosse; no one seems to know for sure. Sources at the scene also reported the game or match or whatever it was had to be called prematurely after two of the Burkinabè players were injured by rampaging wild boar.
Allegedly “somewhere near the middle” of Africa, Burkina Faso was previously know as Upper Volta, or Lower Volta, or possibly even just Volta, and is bordered by several equally obscure nations.
The U.S. team now moves on to it’s next challenge; a Jesuit school for orphans from the Azores.
Reports vary, but the contest in question was likely soccer, although it could have been rugby, or possibly even lacrosse; no one seems to know for sure. Sources at the scene also reported the game or match or whatever it was had to be called prematurely after two of the Burkinabè players were injured by rampaging wild boar.
Allegedly “somewhere near the middle” of Africa, Burkina Faso was previously know as Upper Volta, or Lower Volta, or possibly even just Volta, and is bordered by several equally obscure nations.
The U.S. team now moves on to it’s next challenge; a Jesuit school for orphans from the Azores.
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