Man Still Waiting For Score to Load

Sarasota, NY – With a single ad and what appeared to be a batting line-up just beginning to appear on his cell phone, 28 year old Clive Ferbus frantically refreshed the ESPN website from which he simply wanted to know the score of the Yankees Orioles game.

“It still says two to nothing”, the obviously frustrated Ferbus reported, “but it also says first inning, and I know it’s at least the top of the third.”

After another few agonizing minutes, during which Petsmart, GEICO and Ashley Homestore ads appeared, the increasingly agitated man still had no better understanding of the current score.

“Jeez”, he muttered, holding the phone aloft as if to invoke the nearest tower. “It still says two, but I mean is that the score?  Balls, strikes, what?”

“Runner on second”, he continued, his frustration reaching the boiling point, “but who?  Who’s at bat?”

Sources reported that a by then semi-delirious Ferbus finally gave up, turned his phone off and shoved it in his pocket just as a Walmart video began to play.

Man at Superbowl Party Wants Everyone to Know He Brought the Wings

Marietta, GA – Thirty-three year old divorced father of two Matt Poole insured that everyone in attendance at his friend Rodney Spence’s Superbowl party was aware that he, and he alone, brought the wings.

“Hey guys, the wings are on the counter by the microwave”, he said jovially to a small crowd which had assembled near the kitchen. “I brought ‘em”.

Poole then proceeded to grab a sriracha wing from the tray and stroll through the den where the majority of the partygoers were waiting for the kickoff. “Spicy”, he announced to no one in particular.  “That’ll light you up”, he added, exhaling sharply.

“Better get ‘em while they’re hot.  Won’t be any left by halftime, I can assure you.”

“Matt doesn’t get out much these days”, Margo Swanson, his neighbor and friend of his ex-wife explained.  “So this is kind of a big deal for him.  Honestly, I made the Thai curry and mango pineapple sauces”, she continued, her voice dropping.  “He texted me night before last just freaking out because he doesn’t know the first thing about cooking.”

“Only a few of these delicious cilantro lime wings left”, the completely broken man extolled as the partygoers filed past him, oblivious to his pleas.

At press time, Poole had cornered Rodney’s wife Belinda and offered to give her his recipes in exchange for one of her single female friend’s phone number.

Drinks With the Girls Doesn’t Warrant Fluffing Favorite Jeans

Warwick, Rhode Island – According to sources, an impromptu after work meet-up with the girlfriends was insufficient justification for tossing her favorite jeans in the dryer for a few minutes to de-wrinkle reported 28 year old human resources manager Bonita Sutherford.

“I mean it’s just Shenanigan’s”, she continued, referring to a local bar she and her neighbors frequented.  “It’s not like I’m going to run into Jason Momoa in there”, she sighed, giving the jeans a quick bullwhip snap and running her fingers through her hair in a half-hearted attempt to convince herself she’d “freshened up some”.

The denim pants, the back pocket of which contained a Starbucks receipt and a hair tie leftover from Sutherford’s last outing, went largely unnoticed during the evening, due mostly to the fact that her friend Janice Jordan’s revealing top garnered the lionesses share of the attention from the men in attendance.

“I would absolutely kill to be able to wear something like that”, the slightly tipsy Sutherford mused.

Sources also reported that a morose Sutherford did not in fact encounter anyone even remotely resembling Jason Momoa over the course of the evening, but did get a wink from bar regular “Flannel Shirt Guy” upon leaving.