Phrases That Have No Meaning

You ever hear someone utter a phrase and wonder: What the hell is that supposed to mean? Then you'll hear someone else utter the same phrase, and it dawns on you: This is another one of those things that have become popular, but has no meaning whatsoever. Like Samantha Ronson's blog, or the latest fad diet, or the "Who's Searching For You?" ads. I don't know about you, but every time I hear someone say something that has no meaning I want to come back with something like "gummy bear tent stake", or "eye-twitch loofa", just to see if it'll catch on. So far, no luck. But, following are several phrases I say we just retire until someone figures out what exactly they're supposed to mean:

You need to own that
Popularized during the spate of so-called reality TV shows that have become the scourge of American "culture" over the past few years, this particular nonsensical phrase was likely first uttered during a competition of some kind; cooking or runway modeling, or elbow macaroni art. Likely as not, one of the "judges" from this particular competition didn't feel that the contestant used enough glitter paint on their elbow macaroni sailboat. Had they used the correct amount of glitter paint, they would, in the judge's eyes, have come to "own" the art of creating an elbow macaroni sailboat, or so one assumes.

"This" is the new "that"
As in, pink is the new black, sixty is the new forty, vodka is the new champagne. Well, I have a news flash for you: Pink is pink and black is black; sixty is sixty and forty is forty; vodka is vodka and champagne is champagne. Deal with it.

Old school
Purportedly means something that was done differently at some point in the past. Okay, I get that part. But, why old school? Why not old street corner, old shopping mall, Old Yeller? It just makes no sense.

Back in the day
Back in what day? Yesterday was a day. And so was Thursday before last, and so was November 23rd, 1973. Exactly what day does this absurd phrase refer to?

No-brainer
Supposedly meaning something that is so simple even a person without a brain could figure it out. And, this phrase would almost make sense, except that the opposite of a no-brainer would have to be a brainer, which I assume means something that requires a person with a brain to figure out... You see where I'm going with this?

Save the date
Quick! Somebody, save the date! The date is in trouble! Oh, won't somebody please help that poor date?

My bad
Your bad what? Your bad grammar? Your bad teeth? Your bad choice of words?

Value-added
Supposedly, if I am in the business of selling, let's say, popsicle-stick birdhouses, and before I package these birdhouses for shipment I hold each one up to my ear and listen for a few seconds as if it were a conch and I could hear the chirping of tiny, yet-unborn sparrows, I have added value to the product. Supposedly. In reality, I have done nothing but waste time. That's the best analogy for this shop-worn cliche I could come up with. Value-added is a phrase the business community has invented to justify charging more for a product or service. In reality, it should be called cost-added, but the marketing department shot that one down.

Comfort foods
Ask ten people the definition of comfort food, and you'll get ten different answers. Why? That's right - the term has no meaning! Your comfort food is whatever you like. Personally, I think comfort food should mean the most comfortable food to sleep on, if for whatever reason you didn't have a bed. In that case, I'd have to go with Twinkies.

Your call is very important to us
This, of course, is what you hear when you've been on hold for 47 mintues trying to get through to a "customer service" person. The sad fact is, your call is not at all important to these "customer service" people, as they wish more than anything that you would just hurry up and have a massive coronary and die.