I was having dinner the other night. More precisely, I was trying to have dinner the other night. Just as my food arrived, a lady at the next table with a bandage on her knee (hereafter referred to as Bandage Lady) sees someone across the room she apparantly knows.
"Heyyyyyy", Bandage Lady yells," you've got to see this". And sure enough, Bandage Lady gets up, hobbles over to her friend and proceeds to take off her bandage and show her friend her scar. While I'm trying to eat. Having suddenly lost my appetite, all I could think of at that point was - you guessed it - Things of Yours I Don't Care to See:
Your scar
Okay, they ripped open your flesh, took something out (or put something in), or just moved stuff around. Then they sewed you back up with cat gut, or fishing line or whatever they use these days. I'm sorry. But, I really don't want to see it. Especially when I'm trying to eat.
Your bowling trophy
You seen one, you've seen them all.
Your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition collection
I've seen Marissa Miller in a bikini. Everyone over the age of seven has seen Marissa Miller in a bikini.
Yet another photo of your cat
Yes, I know you really like your cat. But - you have far too many photos of him.
That indistinguishable green thing you just pulled from between your teeth
No, I don't know what it is. Lettuce? Spinich? I give up. What did you have for lunch?
Your high school yearbook photo
You look like a total dork in your high school yearbook photo. Everyone does.
Your fantasy football roster
So you got Phillip Rivers and Adrian Peterson? Impressive.
That half a buffalo chicken wrap you found in your desk drawer
Got two words for you: air freshener.
Your horoscope
The thing that just slays me about people who read their horoscopes religiously is that they all claim they "don't really believe in that stuff".
Your tatoo
That's the third lower back tribal I've seen this week.
That corn flakes box with your favorite athlete on it
Yep, that's him.
Your child's report card
Got a "needs improvement" on Following Directions, huh?
That thing you can do with your toes
I'm sorry, but toes were simply not meant to bend that way.
Your wedding video
I'm sure it was beautiful beyond words.
"Heyyyyyy", Bandage Lady yells," you've got to see this". And sure enough, Bandage Lady gets up, hobbles over to her friend and proceeds to take off her bandage and show her friend her scar. While I'm trying to eat. Having suddenly lost my appetite, all I could think of at that point was - you guessed it - Things of Yours I Don't Care to See:
Your scar
Okay, they ripped open your flesh, took something out (or put something in), or just moved stuff around. Then they sewed you back up with cat gut, or fishing line or whatever they use these days. I'm sorry. But, I really don't want to see it. Especially when I'm trying to eat.
Your bowling trophy
You seen one, you've seen them all.
Your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition collection
I've seen Marissa Miller in a bikini. Everyone over the age of seven has seen Marissa Miller in a bikini.
Yet another photo of your cat
Yes, I know you really like your cat. But - you have far too many photos of him.
That indistinguishable green thing you just pulled from between your teeth
No, I don't know what it is. Lettuce? Spinich? I give up. What did you have for lunch?
Your high school yearbook photo
You look like a total dork in your high school yearbook photo. Everyone does.
Your fantasy football roster
So you got Phillip Rivers and Adrian Peterson? Impressive.
That half a buffalo chicken wrap you found in your desk drawer
Got two words for you: air freshener.
Your horoscope
The thing that just slays me about people who read their horoscopes religiously is that they all claim they "don't really believe in that stuff".
Your tatoo
That's the third lower back tribal I've seen this week.
That corn flakes box with your favorite athlete on it
Yep, that's him.
Your child's report card
Got a "needs improvement" on Following Directions, huh?
That thing you can do with your toes
I'm sorry, but toes were simply not meant to bend that way.
Your wedding video
I'm sure it was beautiful beyond words.
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