China Demands Three U.S. States as Collateral

Beijing, China - As a hedge against the growing trade imbalance, the People’s Republic of China announced it wants “administrative and fiduciary control” of three U.S. states.

“Just to keep everyone honest”, Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao said at a news conference earlier today.

He then related an ancient Chinese proverb involving a monkey, a deaf mule, and a mango orchard to illustrate his point, but the analogy was largely lost on his audience.

The difference between imports to, and exports from China, the trade imbalance was 273 billion USD for 2010 alone. China also holds an estimated 1.3 trillion in U.S. debt. As the figures kept inching up economists and lawmakers feared the worst, but no one foresaw this.

President Obama down-played the significance of the report. “My political adversaries would have you think we just gave the Chinese three American states”, the President said, chuckling. “Nothing could be further from the truth. And, even if it were, we still have, what - forty some left?”

While there has been no official word on the states allegedly impacted, aircraft with Chinese markings have been sighted over Honolulu, street signs in Modesto, California have been re-painted with both English and Chinese lettering, and Alaska governor Sean Parnell posted a recipe for General Tso’s Chicken on his website.

In related news, Mexican President Felipe Calderón Hinojosa has made inquiries into how big the trade imbalance with his country would have to be for them to get Texas back.