Belle Plaine, IA -
46 year old ConAgra district manager Walt Findlay reported today that he has
decided to vote in Tuesday’s midterm election, based solely on the strength of
an automated phone call.
“Never give it much thought before today”, Findlay stated. “Figured one was about as good as the other”. Findlay, who advised he hadn’t voted at all since the 2004 presidential election, was impressed by the persuasiveness of the message left on his home phone answering machine.
“Seems this one fellow is involved in some shady business
dealings”, the avid duck hunter and Chicago Bears fan mused. “And, they said he accepted donations from some
big-shot Wall Street types. That way of
thinking won’t fly here in Belle Plaine.”
“The way I see it, if I don’t vote, I’m giving someone
else two votes”, Findlay continued, his jaw set stoically. “And I don’t think that’s right”.
Sources close to the Iowa elections reported the
candidate Findlay has decided to support “doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in
hell” of winning Tuesday, and has already drafted three versions of his concession
speech, depending on how severely he’s defeated.
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