What’s So Funny?

It has come to my attention that things I previously thought humorous – hysterically so in some cases – are no longer funny.  It goes without saying that making fun of others who are “different” in some manner should not be considered humorous.  Ditto for “dumb blonde” jokes.  But I was shocked to learn that sarcasm – a personal staple – is no longer funny.  I was informed that some people are actually offended by sarcasm.  Apparently they see themselves as the butt of the joke, even when the object of derision is clearly stated.

Okay, fine.  No more sarcasm.  I guess I’ll have to redefine what is and is not funny, much like I had to scramble to reconfigure my wardrobe when carpenter’s pants went passé.  Towards that end, I have come up with a list of things that are certifiably, undeniably funny:

* Farmers Only dot com commercials

* The audio of the phone call to a radio station from the woman who’d tried in vain to have the local authorities move the “Deer Crossing” signs to more secluded locations
* Kanye West taking himself seriously
* Drunks attempting to complete the simplest of feats; using an ATM, remembering the lyrics to Blurred Lines, or sending a text to their ex that isn’t total gibberish: “heyb dud juno I stiel lubj jue r u awek”
* Every campaign promise ever made
* Cats falling out of window sills and not landing on their feet
* Infomercials
* Blazing Saddles
* The midnight to 1 a.m. Karaoke line-up
* People misusing common phases, a la “for all intense purposes”
* Duckface selfies
* Politicians getting caught breaking the very laws they helped to enact
* Every high school yearbook photo more than 20 years old
* Women digging through their purses looking for their cell phone which is in their back pocket
 
Well that’s all I could come up with for now.  Next week: Things You Should Stop Putting Bacon On.