“It’s
been bad before”, reported Hillsboro Beach, Florida boardwalk concessionaire Sid
Bosworth, “but not like this.” That
sentiment was echoed by Racine, Wisconsin clothing store manager Shelia McDormand,
who added, “It’s just a shame, a crying shame”, before briskly walking away, her
head shaking contemptuously.
“If
something doesn’t change soon, I don’t know what I’m going to do”, retired
school teacher Lois Elderbridge of Mesa, Arizona offered soberly. “I mean - Jesus, Mary and Joseph – when does it
stop?”
The
report went on to say that 46% of Americans are “about to blow a gasket over
this”, and 39% have “a thing or two to say about the situation”. A staggering 81% insisted “somebody needs to
do something – like, right now”.
“I
told them. I told them this would happen”, an animated Lawrence “Bucky” Barber
said, stepping into his eighteen-wheeler at a truck stop outside Salem, Oregon. “But did they listen?”
University
of Tennessee spokesperson Amber Kernan suggested the findings are not
surprising. “If one looks at the current
situation from the perspective of the average person, one would have to surmise
that this pretty much blows.”
In
related news, sources reported that several residents of Warrensburg, Missouri
would be “very interested in knowing” when the city is going to get around to
fixing that “ding-dong pothole” at the intersection of Third and Addison, and
at least one Goshen, New York resident wants to know where you can get a decent
calzone at this hour.
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