Free Balloons for the Kiddies!

Grand Opening Celebration! Never before heard of values! Come early for the best bargains! Pony rides! Meet the morning crew from EZ Rock 95.7! Door prizes galore! No reasonable offer refused! Hamster races! No interest for a full year with approved credit! The Squigleys perform their kid-friendly show at noon! No credit? - no problem! Face painting and balloon animals! Let Melvin the Magnificent guess your weight and shoe size! We will not be undersold! Three blocks west of Darnell’s Radiator Repair! Former ‘DWTS’ hair-stylist Logan Bottswirmer demonstrates the French Twist! Have your photo taken with life-sized Dale Earnhardt Jr. cut-out! Bean-bag Toss competition for all age groups! Visit the Cyber Petting Zoo! Try your luck on the Wheel of Cheese! No salesman will visit! Slappy the Wonder Frog will perform from 2:00 until 4:00! Free oven mitt to first 100 visitors! On Route 33, one half mile from Pine Cone Road! Miss Apple Festival 2006 will autograph copies of her book, “I Swear I Thought Africa Was a Country”! Caricature’s by Cleo! We match all competitors prices! Across from The Skate Barn! Tarot card readings! Three - count em’ - three Elvis impersonators! The boss sez “sell ‘em”! Overpaid CEO Dunk Tank! 99 cent hot dogs! Rain or shine! Bikini car wash by the Juggies Girls! Tap your feet to the banjo stylings of Red “Curly” Butterworth! Pizza on a stick! No rain checks. Three quarters of a mile south of Eakin’s Army Surplus! Safe-Kidz Sara’s Sock Puppet Review at 1:30! Hablamos Espanol! Shake hands with Lee Rudd (former roadie and bus driver for the Oak Ridge Boys)! Half-off coupons from The Fudge Hut! Prices too low to mention! Extra security on premises! Yoga demonstrations by Mystee of Cloud Nine Yoga! J93 Tee-shirt Bazooka Brigade “Blast Away” every half-hour on the hour! 90 days, same as cash! Don’t miss it!