Holiday Survival Guide For the Workplace

Well, “the holidays” are here again, and if you’re like most people, there are holiday traditions which you will revel in, tolerate, endure, or suffer through at your workplace. I have therefore put together a survival guide to help you deal with all the shenanigans.

Don’t be “that guy” at the office holiday party
There was a time when it was absolutely acceptable to get completely sloshed, dance on the buffet table with a lampshade on your head, and tell the boss off at the office holiday party. Those days are gone. Believe me, everything you do and say at the party will be scrutinized by your higher-ups. And, you don’t get a free pass just because they get more plastered than you. They’re the boss, and you’re not. It’s okay to have a good time and socialize, but you don’t want to hear a symphony of hushed whispers follow you down the hall on the Monday after the party, nor do you want that photo of you doing the “YMCA” with your flashing Rudolph tie wrapped around your head looking like Bret Michaels after an all-nighter to become the most popular screen saver ever.

Put a little thought into your “Secret Santa” gift
Yes, I know, it’s a $10 limit or whatever, but if you take a few minutes to think about it, you can select a nice, practical gift. In my opinion, gift cards are perfectly acceptable as long as they’re something most everyone could use, since some Secret Santa gifts will be selected sight unseen. And, I seriously doubt that Frank (who’s approaching 60) really wants a gift card to the local tanning salon.

Avoid giving “kiss-up” gifts
Secret Santa notwithstanding, you should avoid giving gifts to your superiors unless 1. It’s an accepted practice at your workplace, 2. You give as part of his team, and 3. It’s a tasteful gift. You can kick in on that glass sculpture for his desk, but do not also give him or her anything which is even moderately expensive, or personal. Believe me, if your boss’ wife finds out you gave him that $75 bottle of after shave (or worse, vodka), things will go badly for you.

Show some restraint with the goodies
People will typically bring in homemade cookies, or banana bread, or mint chocolate bark. Before you dive in mouth first, do the math. If there are 24 of a given item, and 12 people in the office, you get two, not six.

Don’t forget why you’re at work
The holidays are not an excuse to take the whole month of December “off”. If you have the vacation time, then take it. Otherwise, there’s work to be done, and you can be assured your co-workers are not interested in taking up the slack while you decorate your cube with candy canes and paper cutout snowmen.

The holidays are not a happy time for everyone
Unfortunately, some people have experienced personal tragedies around the holiday season, and for them this time of year is not all about sleigh bells and eggnog. So, don’t try to cheer them up. If they want to share their story with you, they will.

On the other hand, some people get absolutely giddy over the holidays
And, they get annoyed when you don’t become absolutely giddy too. But, you have to work with them. The phrase suffer fools gladly comes to mind.

Don’t play Christmas music so loud everyone in the office can hear it.
If they want to hear Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, they’ll bring in their own CD. Or, better yet, they’ll listen to it in the car on the way to work.

You don’t have to wear a “holiday” sweater every day
Really. The last day of work before whatever holiday you observe will do.

When it’s all over, it’ll be January
I’ve always hated January. The holidays are over, and all you have to look forward to is about three months of cold weather. And, you’ve still got five months until Memorial Day. But, all things must end, and the holidays are no exception. So steel yourself in advance so you don‘t come dragging in to work on January 2nd wailing and blubbering and making everyone else miserable. Look on the bright side: It’ll be at least another ten and a half months before you have to hear Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer again.