This Blog For Rent

Face it - just about everyone has been affected by the recession (except maybe liquor distilleries and Las Vegas call girls). New Mothers are selling their breast milk on the internet, retirees are making birdhouses in their garages and selling them at flea markets, and unemployed investment bankers are doing double duty working the drive-through at Burgeriffic and preparing tax forms for five bucks a throw. Well, I'm not immune to the "economic downturn" either, so I've been forced to resort to drastic measures. That's right - starting immediately, I will be selling ad space on my blogs.

I know what you're thinking. I can hear the catcalls and venomous cries of "sell out". Well, it's not like that. First and foremost, I'm not selling space to just anybody. I mean, it goes without saying you'll never see an ad for one of those trashy "hook-up" outfits posing as a dating service. And, you can rest assured I won't be doing business with those so-called "payday lenders", and you can absolutely rule out-

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-those ambulance-chasing personal injury lawyers. I mean, how do those guys sleep anyway? Lots of Xanax, I'm thinking. You know, I'm going to stick with honest, legitimate businesses. I'd like to pull in some local ads, you know, like maybe a dog grooming service, or some of the more established businesses. I mean, I do still have my integrity. And, how would it look if you were to open my blog and see an ad for-

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-some shady, fly-by-night snake-oil peddling cretin trying to separate you from your hard-earned cash? It would look bad for me, that's how. And I'm simply not going to stoop to that. No sir!

When you think about it - there's nothing wrong with advertising. I mean, how else are you going to know about the various products and services available if no one advertises? And, I don't have to tell you, ads are everywhere these days. We're bombarded with them! Just the other day I passed a guy on the street wearing a baseball cap with a "Your Ad Here" placard taped over the Braves logo. And you know what? His rates were very reasonable. So, if anyone knows of a business looking for some affordable ad space, have them ping me. But, please - don't send me just anybody. Like I said - I do have my standards, and I'm not going to lower them just to make a quick buck. The good news is that I've already gotten a couple of nibbles. I'm negotiating with that guy running the fruit stand down by the railroad tracks, and a nice elderly lady that has-

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-converted a spare bedroom into a craft shop, where she makes little ceramic figurines and butter dish cozies and such. I know there's really not much of a market for those things these days, but hey - allow an old woman her dreams, huh? I see the so-called "cottage industry" making a comeback soon! And we should all make a point to try and keep the money here at home, instead of sending it to some-

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-overseas conglomerate. In the long run, it'll benefit us all.

Well, I guess that's it. Just do me a favor and keep your eyes and ears open for anyone looking for a real deal on advertising.

Oh, and one more thing. Have you taken a good hard look at your wireless bill lately?