2010: A Pretty Boring Year

Let me be the first to say it: As years go, 2010 was Bingo Night at the retirement home lame. It was like the Millard Fillmore of years. It was like lumpy, tepid oatmeal, with no brown sugar or cinnamon. It was like playing Crazy Eights with your parents on Friday night. In fact, it was so uneventful, I couldn’t even come up with a Top Ten list for it. Seriously, I got to like four and just gave up.

Admittedly, there were a few highlights sprinkled throughout the year. Lady Gaga set a new record for video views, an honor previously held by that Numa Numa guy. Companies learned that if you slap the word “green” on any product people will pay two and a half times as much for it. And, there were only about seven vampire-themed movies released this year - one of which was a spoof of vampire-themed movies. So, there’s that.

But overall, relatively speaking, 2010 was pretty much a snooze-fest.

2010 was no 1969, or 1945, and 2010 couldn’t hold a candle to 1988. Or 1993. I was there in ‘93, I remember ‘93, and 2010 was no 1993.

Census figures were released in December, and the quote, unquote big news was the so-called “red shift” - that is, people moving from traditionally Democratic states to ones which tend to vote Republican. Whoop-de-do. They also revealed that only one American in seven knows their state’s two-letter postal designation (and three out of five thought Michigan’s was MN).

In science news, someone apparently discovered the “shocking truth” about something called the Acai berry. On the technology front, the most popular smart phone app for 2010 is one which makes flatulence sounds, and in pop culture news, there seems to be some unspoken agreement that all “tweener” instant celebrities must go to rehab at least once before they turn 17. Ho. Hum.

Twenty-ten, as it was clumsily labeled, was about as lukewarm and humdrum as it gets. It was so pathetic that an estimated 18.500 people actually died from sheer boredom. It was a fatally soporific year. It was like sugar-free gelatin and vanilla wafers. Like Fraiser re-runs. Like the Detroit Lions.

Yep, in the annals of incredibly tiresome years, I predict 2010 will be tucked in there between 1976 and either 2003 or 1954. But, what’s done is done. So, bring on 2011, I say!

And let’s turn out the lights on this denim jacket wearing, minivan driving, PTA meeting of a year.