Top 10 Bad Horror Movie Clichés

As a kid I loved watching horror movies. I also loved The Monkees and Cap’n Crunch cereal, so it‘s not like I was incredibly discriminating. Nowadays I just can’t enjoy horror movies, mostly because I’m too busy playing horror movie cliché bingo to actually enjoy the “plot“ {snicker}. But apparently predictability sells, so who am I to argue?

Nonetheless, I’ve complied a list of the most prolific horror movie clichés for your perusal. And, I’ve abbreviated the terms intended victim (IV) and bad guy (BG) because studies have shown that most people won’t read articles over 400 words long:

10. It’s always a full moon, so you can still see the terror in the IV’s eyes after the BG cuts the power.

9. The ditzy, reckless, buffoon is always the first to get sliced and diced.

8. The IV always inexplicably runs away from a safe, well-lit location into the woods, or cemetery or abandoned factory.

7. Ominous music always swells just before the BG strikes - except for that one time - just to tease you.

6. There’s always at least one camera sequence from the BG’s eye-view, typically rising slowly into a window or from the rafters of the abandoned factory.

5. The IV always screams out, “Why don’t you leave us alone!”, a rhetorical question if ever there was one.

4. The local law enforcement figure - usually a deputy or sheriff - is always wearing a jacket, even if it’s mid-August.

3. The IV always loses cell phone service just as the BG is about to strike - even if they’re in midtown Manhattan.

2. Movie always ends with some omen that the BG will return - even if he was shot, burned to a crisp, stuffed into a wood chipper, and impaled with the bumper from a ‘63 Chevy Impala.

And the number one horror movie cliché:

1. If Jennifer Love Hewitt is in it, you’re guaranteed cleavage.