Halloween Costumes to Avoid

So Halloween is just around the corner and you know you’re going to “dress up”, because well, that’s what people do. And, well, you’re going to do it too. Fine. Just, please - for the love of whatever it is you hold sacred - do not wear any of the following:

10. Harry Potter. Always reminded me of that one nerdy kid that was into the chess club and Big Bang Theory and all that other “it’s so uncool, it’s cool“ crap. Newflash: It’s still uncool.

9. Any costume that’s sole purpose is to show more skin. Just go in your underwear; tell everyone you’re Madonna.

8. Vampire - Witch - Werewolf. They’re really all the same costume; mythical, evil persona that used to inspire fear and now only inspires boredom. Yawn.

 7. Any political figure. Hey look, I’m Obama, or Richard Nixon, or Sarah Bachmann. Real funny.

6. Couple costumes. À la electrical plug and socket, cop and prisoner, etc. We know you’re a couple, and - you look ridiculous.

5. Mummy. The ultimate lazy person’s costume. Take an old sheet, rip it up into strips and enshroud yourself in it. Real creative.

4. Any uniform. Little league umpire, scrub nurse, crossing guard. We’ve known for years you moonlight, so technically it’s not a costume, is it?

3. That really expensive costume you ordered from lastminutecostumes.com because it seemed like a good idea at the time and you paid $89.95 plus another $20 for overnight shipping and now just makes you look like a total tool.

2. Justin Bieber \ Selena Gomez. You’re 37; get over it.

1. Any Star Wars character. How George Lucas isn’t richer than God by now is beyond me. It was kitschy, cartoonish, pseudo-sci-fi, and the American public lapped it up like pampered house cats sucking down sardine flavored Cool Whip. I once saw a guy actually dressed as Jabba the Hutt. It took two buddies to carry the tail. Way to travel light there, Einstein.

So, if you must “dress up” for Halloween, please select an outfit that’s not a total cliché that’s already been done 20 bazillion times, or one that screams “I found something that’s really unique and I know that because it’s the top seller”. It’s one night, and no one will remember come November 1^st.

Boo!