Like Sheep to the Slaughter

Well, the 2012 Mr. President Contest is officially underway. As I intend to view this charade with utter disgust and cynicism, I can’t give you the inside scoop on anything. Haven’t watched a debate, couldn’t tell you what any of these clowns are pretending to “stand for” this time around.

But, I did catch this. During an exit interview at one of the primaries, a reporter asked a voter, “Who are you supporting?” “Candidate X”, she replied. “Why”, the reporter asked. “Well I didn’t know much about him, but he won today”.

Translation: “I have no idea who this guy is, or what he claims he’ll do if elected, or if he just mowed down everyone on his cul-de-sac with a chainsaw, but a lot of people like him, so I’m going to vote for him”.

And there - in a nutshell - is the single biggest problem with our society: We have become sheep.

Yep, mindless, gullible sheep, with our respective sheep snouts shoved up the anal cleavage of the sheep in front of us, blindly following with no thought as to where we‘re going, or why.

Our sheep-like nature isn’t limited to politics. Oh no, we’ll follow anyone, if we think enough other sheep are. Some athlete pitches this or that brand of deodorant or beef jerky, and sales soar. Some chuckle-head reality TV star is seen carrying a tie-dyed purse, and the shelves empty. Face it, we’re sheep. And - we don’t even attempt to hide it.

I’m not even suggesting this is new. We’ve actually been sheep for some time now. During the 1950’s, Buffalo Bob Smith hosted a very popular TV show called Howdy Doody, who was actually a puppet. Bob wore a cowboy outfit - sort of, and guess what? Sales of cowboy outfits soared. In the early 1960’s, the Beatles took America by storm, and suddenly everything British was in vogue. We’ve been sheep for decades.

If I were very cynical, I might suggest that it’s no accident we’ve lost our ability to think for ourselves. I might suggest that we’ve been conditioned since pre-school to be sheep. After all, a society of sheep - no matter how hackneyed and deserving of ridicule - is a lot easier to control than a society of free-thinkers who will make informed, educated decisions, and demand substance instead of superficiality, results instead of rhetoric.

In a few months, we will elect someone to be our nation’s leader, at a time of deep crisis, probably far more dire than any of us can comprehend. We can choose based on tweets, and image and sound bites. Or we can go to the polls and cast a vote for whomever we think will cause the least amount of damage over the next four years. Or, we can rise up, each in our own way, each in our own voice, and proclaim:

I refuse to be a sheep, I will not be a party to this mockery, and I want my country back.

Now.

U.S.A. Defeats Some Impoverished African Nation at Something

Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso - A sports team from the United States has defeated it’s counterpart from some small, obscure African nation in a competition of some kind by a score of 1 - 0.

Reports vary, but the contest in question was likely soccer, although it could have been rugby, or possibly even lacrosse; no one seems to know for sure. Sources at the scene also reported the game or match or whatever it was had to be called prematurely after two of the Burkinabè players were injured by rampaging wild boar.

Allegedly “somewhere near the middle” of Africa, Burkina Faso was previously know as Upper Volta, or Lower Volta, or possibly even just Volta, and is bordered by several equally obscure nations.

The U.S. team now moves on to it’s next challenge; a Jesuit school for orphans from the Azores.

Halloween Costumes to Avoid

So Halloween is just around the corner and you know you’re going to “dress up”, because well, that’s what people do. And, well, you’re going to do it too. Fine. Just, please - for the love of whatever it is you hold sacred - do not wear any of the following:

10. Harry Potter. Always reminded me of that one nerdy kid that was into the chess club and Big Bang Theory and all that other “it’s so uncool, it’s cool“ crap. Newflash: It’s still uncool.

9. Any costume that’s sole purpose is to show more skin. Just go in your underwear; tell everyone you’re Madonna.

8. Vampire - Witch - Werewolf. They’re really all the same costume; mythical, evil persona that used to inspire fear and now only inspires boredom. Yawn.

 7. Any political figure. Hey look, I’m Obama, or Richard Nixon, or Sarah Bachmann. Real funny.

6. Couple costumes. À la electrical plug and socket, cop and prisoner, etc. We know you’re a couple, and - you look ridiculous.

5. Mummy. The ultimate lazy person’s costume. Take an old sheet, rip it up into strips and enshroud yourself in it. Real creative.

4. Any uniform. Little league umpire, scrub nurse, crossing guard. We’ve known for years you moonlight, so technically it’s not a costume, is it?

3. That really expensive costume you ordered from lastminutecostumes.com because it seemed like a good idea at the time and you paid $89.95 plus another $20 for overnight shipping and now just makes you look like a total tool.

2. Justin Bieber \ Selena Gomez. You’re 37; get over it.

1. Any Star Wars character. How George Lucas isn’t richer than God by now is beyond me. It was kitschy, cartoonish, pseudo-sci-fi, and the American public lapped it up like pampered house cats sucking down sardine flavored Cool Whip. I once saw a guy actually dressed as Jabba the Hutt. It took two buddies to carry the tail. Way to travel light there, Einstein.

So, if you must “dress up” for Halloween, please select an outfit that’s not a total cliché that’s already been done 20 bazillion times, or one that screams “I found something that’s really unique and I know that because it’s the top seller”. It’s one night, and no one will remember come November 1^st.

Boo!