Although not as pervasive as in
years past, business buzzwords are still with us. I want to believe that there
has been a leveling-off of the practice because people are starting to actually
think about what they say before they say it, but that’s probably just
wishful thinking on my part. Be that as it may, for the uninitiated, here is a
list of business buzzwords and their alleged and actual meanings:
Action (as a verb): Supposedly
means: To do something with, as in a problem or issue that must be dealt
with. Actually means: Absolutely nothing. The word action is a
noun.
Action items: Supposedly means:
A list of things which must be done or dealt with. Actually means: A
list of things which one will get a third of the way through before the
business focus changes, and the list is forgotten.
Bandwidth: Supposedly means:
The amount of work a person or group can accomplish. Actually means: A
convenient excuse to not have time to help you.
Best practice: Supposedly means:
A technique, method, or process which can be utilized across a range of
applications and organizations. Actually means: This is how they do it
over in Accounting, and no one’s been fired yet.
Big picture: Supposedly means:
A comprehensive perspective of a situation or issue. Actually means:
What we’ve been doing isn’t working, so everyone take one giant step backwards.
Core competencies: Supposedly
means: Things that are critical to the way a specific business works. Actually
means: One or two things a business can say unequivocally they know how to
do.
Customer-centric or
customer-focused: Supposedly means: To conduct business in such a manner
that the customer’s needs and desires are always in the forefront. Actually
means: Knocking 15% off the top to get the sale.
Drill down: Supposedly means: To investigate, or analyze the specifics of an issue. Actually means: To dwell on one item because it’s the only one you even slightly comprehend.
Globalization: Supposedly means:
An integration of multi-national economies. Actually means: Your job is
going eleven time zones away.
Leverage: Supposedly means:
To take advantage of a resource without fully financing that resource. Actually
means: To take advantage of a resource so you can blame that resource when
the project ultimately fails.
Mission-critical: Supposedly
means: A component of a project or organization which is crucial to its
success. Actually means: It’s behind schedule and the boss is fuming.
Onboarding: Supposedly means:
The process of acquiring, accommodating, assimilating and accelerating new team
members. Actually means: Hiring people.
Outside the box: Supposedly means:
To think or behave in a non-conventional manner. Actually means: To
pretend to think or behave in a non-conventional manner.
Ownership: Supposedly means: To
take responsibility for a thing or process. Actually means: The last
person to touch it gets the blame.
Results-driven: Supposedly means:
A style of working which focuses more on results than the actual work. Actually
means: If it doesn’t blow up in our face, we’ll continue to do it that way.
Robust: Supposedly means:
Strong; able to withstand and overcome difficulties. Actually means:
It’s the boss’ pet project, so we had to invest twice the resources required.
Synergy: Supposedly means: A dynamic state in which combined action is favored over the sum of individual component actions. Actually means: It’s harder to blame any specific person if a group is responsible for it.
Value-added: Supposedly means:
The value which is added to a product by a manufacturer or distributor. Actually
means: Cost added.
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